Love from: Karen Cadenhead
My precious hubby....i had the benefit of reading most of the birthday wishes you are getting. My family in particular chose stories dramatically weighted on the "Karen is a sadistic torturer" side.
You have always been a good sport...initially, I felt I had to mess you up a little as you were an only child and didn't really know how to deal with that sibling rivalry. Every time I tried to take your food, you just smiled. Every time I said "I made it to the bathroom first" you would say, I would have let you anyway.
Gradually you "tried" to tease me back. It was awkward for sure. You saw a mosquito on my face and just slapped me. You were trying to blow a bubble and when I made fun of you, you put your wad of gum in my hair. You didn't yet know about "proportional fire. response." Your "get me back ideas" were sweeter, yet odd. You would take my clothes and slippers and set them up on the bed as if I was there...your jokes are usually at night.
In the past year, you lost me a few times. One night I was actually in the bed covered up completely and you got up and walked around calling me! Another night I couldn't sleep, I got up and went downstairs. You started calling me from upstairs and made it through the entire house before looking downstairs. Gradually I started messing with you. I could hear you coming up with my coffee and had just enough time to drop to the floor before you walked in, calling for me. As you rounded the bed, I yelled "Boo" and of course you spilled the coffee. Sometimes I am just in the bathroom and you think you have lost me. One time I was on the couch upstairs and you didn't notice, going all the way downstairs calling softly for me.
As any therapist worth her salt, I think I know what is going on. Just as I keep my anxiety about "dying of cancer" under control most days, it manifests itself in driving with you in the car. During these drives, up the torturous hills of Mill Valley or the crazy paths out of Sausalito as we try not to hit a biker, I am almost in a panic, fearing we will go off the cliff into a gorge, or kill someone else as you casually check your phone, change the radio channel or look at the pretty waves as we cross the Golden Gate Bridge. I never told you but sometimes I just shut my eyes.
Your secret fears are manifested at night as you wander the small houseboat being unable to find me. We both have had a wake-up call. Remember how when we got on a plane for our honeymoon trip, and we both got tearful as we realized one of us would have to go first? While I still know one of us will go first (except off a cliff in the car we could go togethe)r, I think, for the most part, neither of us now feel it is imminent. We have relaxed and laugh more, but we have also started appreciating each other even more if that is possible.
I knew you would always be there for me, although lots of people are surprised, in particular my family who doesn't quite get why you put up with so much abuse!
Still, during covid, I especially loved you because you were no longer pushing me to go on a little jaunt to someplace like Siberia. To my shock, you accepted the limits that came with covid and simply enjoyed our time together. You started cooking more and cleaning more and I don't think, no matter how busy you are, have you ever turned me down for a game of Rummikub.
I wish I could say I was wise enough to see all your amazing traits when I first met you but I was just lucky. I have loved every minute with you. I really could not have asked for a more interesting life with such a smart curious, kind partner. I could not have asked for a better father for our boys, at each age, you are completely there for them. I never dreamed what it would feel like to grow together and teach each other how we think about things.
When we moved to our first home and we were renovating, you said what color should we paint the rooms. I was so tired and overwhelmed, I suggested white. You pushed me, you reminded me I "felt " color and you wouldn't take no for an answer. I think that is when I got the bug for renovating. We heard the term "architectural salvage" and looked at each other, and life was never the same! We both had the same values, the same feelings about religion and about politics. You taught me so much about business, I taught you so much about psychology. I actually got to work with you at 2Degrees...we make such a good team. I am sorry for all the things I am not, like a good cook or party planner or traveler or hiker or especially sorry I am the taker in this give and take marriage. Ed made me feel a bit better as he showed me the info on the Language of love. I do know I give you my full attention and I do know that service is one of your methods. It works, it just works and I am the luckiest girl in the world to have everything I need, admire and love, wrapped up in a purple ball of cutie!! (thanks for letting me dress you up sometimes.) oh and at 70, it is clear, you are still not peaking, so you can relax about that too.
I love you.K'wen. (I have changed my name btw) dear L'wen
